August 17, 2014

Midnight Thoughts, Well..

Hello my dearest bloggy..
I'm planning to put you "under construction" condition but I don't know when I'll execute it, and since I have a problem of memorizing (bcause I've been in a such long hiatus & it makes my brain works slower (yea sucks)) so I think I'm just gonna tell you something now..


I don't know why & how our feelings work. I mean like, it's pretty weird. For me at least. Sometimes I feel like I just want to quit this but the fact is I am staying. Wtf? Doesn't make any sense. It's like my heart won't consider any thoughts from my brain. 
Well I know this post is going to be a super random post and have no points at all. Forgive me, my fellas. I just.. Ugh. Tired with my own bubble..


I know what's missing from me, actually. I miss challenges. I miss that shocking electricity from my heart whenever I think/hear/see/sense something about you. 
I miss our stupid silly beyond complicated blablablaship. 
The fact is, I miss us even there's no us exists. 
The fact is, I just miss talking to you about how annoying and confusing life is. 



'Cha get it? 
Nope. 
Same with me. 

Have a happy life!
N. 

July 23, 2014

Post-Presidential Election

Hello again, bloggy. 
Gonna write in Indonesian this time. 

Jadi, udah sekitar 2 bulan terakhir ini hampir semua orang yang aku kenal obrolannya satu, yaitu pemilu presiden Indonesia yang ke-7. Ya sebenernya sama satu lagi sih, nyari kampus secara abis lulus SMA gitu (but let me skip that one ya). Mulai dari debat capres-cawapres, black campaign, konser, artis pendukung, sampe jingle iklan Mastin deh bahasannya. 
Jujur, awalnya aku tertarik untuk speak up, ya meskipun hanya mengutarakan apa yang ada di pikiranku aja sih. Tau kok aku gak ngerti banyak hal tentang politik, and I used to ignore them bcs you know, it's sickening. Tapi beda dengan pilpres kali ini, aku excited banget! Awalnya. 
Tapi lama-lama, aku males. Kenapa? Soalnya bikin ada perbedaan yang awalnya sih it's OK tapi lama-lama jadi kayak misahin banget. Alhamdulillah (dan untungnya), aku sama keluarga dan most of my friends dipihak yang sama. Tapi ada beberapa temanku yang gak sependapat dan I'm totally fine. 
Sempet awal-awal debat capres aku berkicau di Twitter. Ya aku mencoba se-fair mungkin menilai kedua calon, even it was so hard not to defend my choice haha. Kadang ada kata-kataku yang nyebelin kali ya terus ada yang sebel akhirnya nyindir. Not a big thing for me sih. Secara aku emang orangnya kalo udah stick to my choice ya udah bakalan selamanya kayak gitu. So your opinion won't change mine, darling. Meskipun aku kadang mempertimbangkan beberapa argumen dari orang yang kompeten dan dari artikel-artikel dengan sumber yang terpercaya. Ya, hanya sekedar untuk menilai apakah pilihanku sudah benar atau belum. 
OK, back to the point. 
Kemarin hasil rekapitulasi suara sudah diumumkan KPU. Dan presiden pilihan rakyat sudah ada nama jelasnya. 
Harusnya gak ada lagi dong kamu pilih nomor 1 dia pilih nomor 2? 
Harusnya gak ada lagi dong menjelek-jelekkan nomor 1 atau nomor 2?
Harusnya kita menghormati pilihan seluruh rakyat Indonesia, bukan?
Harusnya kita mensupport dan berusaha mengawasi pemerintahan dari presiden yang sudah terpilih, bukan?
Harusnya kita ingat dengan sila ke-3 dari Pancasila. Yaitu, Persatuan Indonesia. 

C'mon, people. Ini sama aja kayak kamu pilih ketua OSIS. Sama aja kayak final piala dunia kemarin. Sama aja kayak kamu main catur. Ada yang menang ada yang kalah. Kalaupun ada yang curang, mari dibuktikan. Aku gak takut kalo pilihanku kalah, karena menang tak jumawa, kalah lapang dada; begitu kata salah satu rapper. 
Sudah gak ada lagi kamu milih ini aku milih itu. Presiden terpilih itu sudah pilihan  sekian ratus juta rakyat Indonesia. Will you respect that? Mau gak mau, suka gak suka, dukung dan hormati presiden yang sudah terpilih. 
Kalaupun ada kecurangan dalam pilpres ini, yang heboh bukan cuma dari satu kubu aja, tapi dari semua kubu. So, chill. Kita gak bodoh dan gak mau main curang. Dan jadinya buat apa relawan yang sudah bekerja keras sampai membuat kawalpemilu.org? 

Tapi aku salut dengan pilpres kali ini. Partisipasi masyarakat luar biasa. Meskipun sampai kebawa emosi dan ada yang pertemanannya agak keganggu. Tapi sekarang sudah selesai, kan? Perbedaan dibuat bukan untuk merusak, tapi dibuat untuk meningkatkan toleransi. 

Akhir kata, selamat atas kemenangan kita semua, rakyat Indonesia! Semoga apa yang kita citakan pelan-pelan bisa terwujud dengan ridho Tuhan dan kerja keras kita semua. 


(Ps. Maaf kalau ada yang tersinggung atau jadi sebel gara-gara post ini. Cuma mau mengutarakan pikiran aja. Cheers!) 


Salam 3 jari, persatuan Indonesia!
N. 

June 25, 2014

Orion

“Setiap petang pada bulan Juni, para penghuni galaksi itu berkumpul menikmati ekor cahaya matahari. Sejak ledakan besar dahulu, Galaksi Cinta ditaburi sejuta matahari yang terangnya 1.000 kali lipat lebih cemerlang dibanding matahari milik Bima Sakti. 
Bulan Juni yang istimewa. Setahun penuh mereka takzim dalam rotasi planet-planet dan tawaf berjamaah yang diikuti seluruh penduduk angkasa. Tawaf raksasa yang menghabiskan waktu begitu lama. Kemudian mereka beristirahat pada bulan Juni. 
Juni yang ditunggu-tunggu. Saat itu, para penghuni Galaksi Cinta akan duduk bergerombol di atas bukit yang ditumbuhi ilalang berbulu lembut. Angin memainkan musik yang menabuh sepi dan kerinduan yang kronis. Mereka lalu saling bercerita tentang kisah yang sama. Diulang-ulang, tetapi tak pernah mendatangkan rasa bosan. 
Ada yang tersenyum sambil membisikkan dendang langka. Lagu yang sudah tak dikenali generasi masa kini. Punah dikunyah masa. Bibitnya tersenyum, tetapi matanya melelehkan air mata. Ia teringat tatapan mata belahan hatinya. 
Jika engkau cinta, tatapan seperti itu tidak mungkin dusta. Tatapan yang tidak mampu kau tukar dengan gunung emas. Tatapan kasih yang tak terbatas. Seolah tak cukup engkau serahkan seluruh hidup. Tatapan yang telah tertinggal oleh waktu, mustahkl diulang. Sebab, belahan jiwanya terlanjur mengangkasa. Meninggalkan dia di Galaksi Cinta. Membiarkanbya menunggu tanpa tenggat waktu. Rasanya, melanjutkan hidup sekedar menghitung mundur menuju hari kematian. Namun, dia rela. Engkau mengatainya bodoh. Namun, dia rela. 
Ada yang menyendiri sambil menatap langit. Baginya, menarik napas pun seolah membuat nyawanya terampas. Rindu yang menyesakkan. Pada titik tertentu seperti mengosongkan paru-paru. No air... no air. Rasa yang sidah begitu renta, tetapi tak pernah menjadi kata-kata. Dia kini terlalu tua untuk merangkai kalimat mesra. Bagimu tak ada kata terlambat untuk mencintai, baginya tidak pernah ada waktu untuk mengatakan, 'Setelah Tuhan, engkaulah yang mampu mematikan matahari.'”

—Kinanthi, halaman 271-272 

June 23, 2014

“Begini cara kerja sesuatu yang engkau sebut cinta. Engkau bertemu seseorang, lalu perlahan-lahan merasa nyaman berada di sekitarnya. Jika dia dekat, engkau akan merasa utuh, dan terbelah ketika dia menjauh. Keindahan adalah ketika engkau merasa ia memerhatikanmu tanpa engkau tahu. Sewaktu kemenyerahan itu meringkusmu, mendengar namanya disebut pun menggigilkan akalmu. Engkau mulai tersenyum dan menangis tanpa mau disebut gila. Berhati-hatilah....”

— Kinanthi, Terlahir Kembali

June 16, 2014

Un beau rêve #3

(cont.)

Enough with the past that I already told you. Now I'm here, sitting in the bench of a small park near my house which is the perfect place when I need a short break from my life. Yeah, I always find this place quite peaceful for me. 

It's been 3 months since I first met him. Slowly, my life has changed. I'm happier than before. He grows in me. I can't say I'm into him but he knows how to make me smile and laugh, so.. Alright what ever it is, just let it be, self. 

Last week, I was on a family trip. It was fun to be around with my family. They never let me down like... hm now. I was going to another country so my phone was off. Since then, he left. 

Sucks? Yes. I thought he's different from another jerks but guess what? Yeah, boys will always be boys. Grow up, dude. 
Therefore, I never expected this much actually. We're just friends, aren't we? 

Could you imagine, you met a person 3 months ago, and now he already knew you & your life. Yes! I am so stupid. Or maybe too weak. Or.. Or.. Or... Ugh suck it up self. 

*phone buzz*
"Hey, sorry I was busy and pretty much tired w school things"

Ugh. I don't care. Well, I try not to care. 

— to be continued 


May 17, 2014

Un beau rêve #2

(cont.)

Did I tell you that he asked my number on that day? Yes, he did. The worst part was, I gave it away. OMG, self. Because usually I don't give my number to annoying strangers (like him). He was a complete stranger to me, well maybe even I already knew him for almost 3 years, he is still a stranger to me, and I'm unexpectedly lost. 

After that weird day, he kept on texting me, and I just replied him normal like what I did to my friends (normal means emoji-less). Then I got to think like, "Hm, it gets more interesting. But hey, don't expect anything, you stupid girl." Because actually, it was. It was like he knew what's on my mind. Mind fucked. Feelings fucked, too. 

In the next week, I was late to the class and the only seat left was next to him. I was thinking that, "Is this his script or it's just a coincidence?" Right after I sat, he said, "Nothing is coincidence, K. And I didn't make any script, if you might think I did." "Wait. Are you some kind of mind reader or what?!" I didn't realize that my voice was too loud so all people including  my teacher heard it. "Keira, suit yourself. You want to be here, or there?" said Mr. Brian as he pointed the hall. I said sorry to him and promised him that I would never do it again. When I said that, I knew that Josh was silently laughing at me. God, why did you send another asshole to my life? 

The class finished then I went straight to the bus stop. I already felt better but not until that jerks came. "Mind to go home with me?" "Ugh, even if you drove a Ferrari, I would not go home with you." "OK, you might still feel annoyed by me." "I always feel like that when you're near me." Then he smiled, which was annoying too. But actually, it was too cute to be missed. "Wait if I treat you a gelato as my apology? Mix berries gelato?" I couldn't help my self for a cup of mix berries gelato, I could eat a pint of it! "Damn! How could you know my personal favorite flavor of gelato? I hate you but I don't want to miss free gelato, though." He smiled even cuter, "After you, sassy girl." 

I never came to this small café which was right in the corner of the main street. The interior was neat and simple, but still eye-catching enough. Nice choice, but I didn't want to say it to him 'cause I know it would make his head bigger, ergh. My favorite part of this café is the small corner with no roof above so I could see the sky. When I walked there, he whispered, "You like sky and all those things there, right. Stars, actually. Am I right?" I couldn't help to smile at him, "Yeah, you're right. I forgive you, J." then he pulled a chair for me. 

My gelato came, and his espresso came. "Why did you choose espresso? It's so bitter, and.. ugh." "The reason why I like is because its bitterness. So I still can feel, which one is bitter, and which one is sweet. In life we need equality, right? We can't feel happiness without knowing sadness, uh?" as he sipped it. "Are you a box of chocolates?" said my self unconciously. "Uhm, sorry? I'm a human. Like seriously." "Hahaha an annoying human, for sure. Hm I said like that because you keep on surprising me, Josh. I even just met you last week. You're still in that stranger category. But... It's just funny. You know.." Then he replied me, "Remember what did I say to you at the first day we talk?" As I keep on eating the delicious gelato, I said "Uhm, wait.. Let me think.. Sorry, I guess the gelato is too tasty it made my brain stop working? I forget your words. What is it?" He laughed, "Figure it out by yourself, K." as he cleaned the ice cream on my cheek. I couldn't help my self for blushing. Damn it, self. 

—to be continued. 


xx,
N. 

May 15, 2014

Un beau rêve #1

People said that first impression means everything. But, not for me. The first time I met you, it's just ordinary. You are ordinary. I even didn't want to know who you are. But, at that day, it's all started. 

My close friends (I like to call 'em close friends since best friends is too much for me) knows that I have an A-lists for boys (which I know that's too much, too. Wait, too much is too much), and I'm definitely a picky girl. Whatever. You guys might judge me. Go on, please. Everytime there's a so-called-handsome boy in front of me and my friends, they were like, "look at him! He was....." blah I don't care, even he is handsome and pretty cool at the same time, then why? 

I rarely likes boys. I mean, bitch I'm normal. But, boys are boys and boys means jerks and period. They are boring. It sounds like I'm so naïve but that's what's on my goddamn mind. L-O-L. What turns me on is, their mind. And here we go. 

The first thing that I notice from him was his laugh, which is annoying because it's too loud, but it's quite weird that his laugh was so amusing. OK. Then he knew that I noticed him, he was staring back at me, seconds after that I knew that his eyes was, well it still is, beautiful, I was kind of blushing. He came over, said, "Hey. Do I know you?" His words pretty much annoyed me, he never knew that we're in the same class? Then I replied, "Uhm, I know we just met 3 of 7 in a week but, I think we're in the same class?" He laughed, "No, I didn't mean to annoyed you but, I think I know you. Know like know. Keira, right? Josh." He shoke my hand. "I already knew your name since the teacher introduced you in the first meeting of mine in the class, sir." He laughed, annoyed me more. "You, sassy girl, really catch my attention." Then he left. 

I already said from the beginning that I rarely likes boys, right? 

But he is exceptional. 


–to be continued. 


Xo,
N.